A cheeseball of motivation

Question everything.

You don’t know what you don’t know if you never bothered to find out.

Give every day all you’ve got. Fill it with absolute positivity.

Take a break from your life and explore what nature provided for you.

Pick a challenge. Push yourself. Reach new horizons. Do something today that you would never have dreamed of doing…

Make a difference. Even if it appears small and insignificant. It’s never small and insignificant to the person whose life was changed.

Go out there! Have fun with it.

And tomorrow…

Start all over again…

The cyclical nature of my life in one blog post

Life as I know it is defined by the subjects I have to revise for during the day. Most people would define their life as a series of recurring events with some moments of exploding spontaneity. The difference with mine is that it’s mostly all just blended into each other, as I’ve mentioned before … nights blend into days and days into night in the blink of an eye, relatively speaking off course. And often times, I could describe the feeling as that of being the only stationary,solid existence In a space occupied by blurred objects, accelerating through life. And then there’s just you… helplessly watching the world blend into itself.

My day begins with a mocha and racing determination to complete every single item on my to do list. … (okay I am going to be honest here, my to do list isn’t exactly realistic. I have dreams okay!) but as those who have experienced this will know, when it comes towards the end of the day, and you are already 2 red bulls down, and that chapter due to have been completed around 5 in the evening Is still not complete…all that positive determination is thrown out the window! All I can think of is “why don’t you just shove it up your ass, Newton. No one gives a shit about the force that brought the apple down and no one cares why it fell. It freaking fell and now you have an apple, so why couldn’t you have just eaten it like any other person given food?!”

And that’s just gravity for you. Here’s me trying to get some sort of understanding of polar coordinates and differential equations and all sorts of weird complicated stuff at 11 in the night.

Through this, I’m constantly reminded of university and I can’t help but think will I make it? Will I survive mechanical engineering and is it worth it? It’s hard and should I just give up? Do I want to live like this! One of my best friend is at university and he’s usually always miserably bogged down by work. Do I want to live like that? If I die tomorrow, do I want this type of life to be all that was lived? And more and more negative questions.

These questions are important to sort out right now. There’s no point going to university to do a course because of the superficial idea of going to university, I’ve actually got to enjoy it. That’s what I aim to do with my life. Enjoy every single moment I can afford to enjoy and live it to the fullest.

And then it comes to me…just like that. I do want to go to university despite all of this negativity  because it will be challenging and difficult. I’ll be tested so much I might even want to quit. And the challenge is to keep trying and keep having fun with it. I think about my life right now and I think about what it’s going to be at university and I can’t help but feel like I’m moaning about nothing, because it only gets harder from here. Will I give up? Who knows. I don’t like the idea of it but I should at least give it a try.

This usually happens at least once a day. I think I am going to fail at life and I just end up reminding myself that I’m going to change the world some day because I am. And I’m going to go to university and design all sorts of amazing things and meet lots of amazing people and prove myself because that is exactly what makes me happy. And every morning, my day starts again with a mocha and unrealistic to do list.

PS: seriously though, curse the apple that fell on Newton’s head.

Does being gay make you less of a man?

A lot of people that know me know very well that I don’t refrain from asking personal questions. In fact, I have non existent social boundaries. Often times, when I am discussing sexual preferences with my male friends, I tend to always question their sexuality… mainly because I want to get to know them and also because it’s something that is very fascinating to think about. What exactly is sexuality, and how does it affect people?

So we are usually talking, and mid conversation, I might just say, I don’t know what you like… I don’t know if you prefer men to women. And that’s a fair point! You never know. I would rather doubt a sexuality before convincing myself someone is sexually oriented to men because I’ve done that before that that has been very awkward. ( He still won’t talk to me.)

I’ve always found that men take a very sensitive approach to this topic. It’s like an allergic reaction. If you tell a man he might be gay, I’ve always found they give you back this look that says “you doubting my masculinity?”

And my question is, why does being gay make you less masculine? It doesn’t make sense. To be honest, neither do concepts like masculinity… but for the sake of flow we will just go with it. I understand the social connotations with being gay can be interpreted negatively by men especially since groups of men quite literally take the mick… and that can be quite scary and condition you to not ever want to be gay…

…but all of the above seem to me like defence mechanisms. However, if we think clearly for a bit, being gay openly is a sign of courage and pride, something traditionally associated with the concept of masculinity. So if you ask me, I find it more respectful and manly ( so to speak) to be gay and proud than hide away… in my personal opinion, other than obvious physical differences, a personality shouldn’t be associated as being masculine and feminine… it’s puts people in a position where they might make a choice based on social opinion which they might not see themselves as. Shouldn’t we be encouraging people to be what they want to be?

I just don’t get why it’s a big deal anyway. Whatever you do inside your bedroom is entirely your decision and no one elses business any way!


Latent Limitations

After being dormant for many weeks (Sorry, as always, I know you missed me.)), I’ve chosen to blog today to spread a message. Earlier today I saw a very interesting video that addressed an important issue in society; the role and freedom of men and women. If you have a spare few minutes, click here for the video. 

Across the world women are fighting for equality. Women in India have started “the Gulabi Gang” to fight for domestic respect only just joining the many feminist societies across the world. As you most probably know, this has been going on for many years and since then, I think we’ve come quite far. Although, to be perfectly honest with you, a pay raise and right to vote, isn’t what we are fighting for. I find it a little bit patronising that men, companies and societies around the world think that they can simply pass a law in the hope that it shuts us up. That said, it feels amazing to have convinced men to get off their high horse. Imagine not being able to work, vote, or even have an education! 

The traditional “housewife” role of women has now changed and it’s vital that men change their opinions about it because it is only going to cause conflict. The main thing that is limiting women from achieving what we are actually after is respect.

I may be wrong in thinking this, but do you feel sometimes that men are brought up with very violent role models whereas women are brought up with flowers and butterflies – and would an equal upbringing result in more mutual respect? And not only that, does it not slightly worry you to hear that a lot of men think of women as this inferior add-on in this largely male-dominated society that can just be toyed around with when they want to. Notice how I’m not talking about the societal role of women here, I’m talking personal attitude towards women.

I wouldn’t call myself a feminist. The word feminist has these horrible associations with it that irritate me. I really don’t like how some women use feminist as a way of getting superiority due to their gender. That’s exactly the sort of stuff that reinforces the sexism here. I completely agree that, on average, men are stronger than women and are, on average, able to partake in more physically demanding jobs. Men and women are programmed differently… that’s a scientifically proven fact. I think it’s important to accept that rather than see it as a sign of inferiority or superiority.

To sum up, I think a lot of women are now realising that they don’t have to make comprises and shorten their dreams because of the male dominance (however, that doesn’t mean that a lot of women still have a very restricted mindset about that). That is good. We shouldn’t let our traditional societal roles dictate what we must do with our lives. This should be something both men and women realise. However, the big outbreak here is going to be when men start giving women mutual respect with the way they treat the women, perhaps start by not using the word bitch to address a women.

And I know the first thing you are thinking is “oh but this only happens in LEDCs and other non-developed areas of the world, we don’t have to worry here. I give women have a lot of respect.” … Just stop and think about that for a second. It’s obvious that the fight for women rights in LEDCs like India is more evident but again, this is beyond what you see and how you look at the world. This is about personal attitude. I’m not blaming men or women here. I’m simply asking you to consider.

Besides, think openly about the prospect of a society where women and men live like equals… It would be very different to what we have right now. Less rape, fewer cases of domestic abuse, less crime, less douchebaggery… Remind me why we are on the slow train again? 

My Life, My rules

I’ve had a thunderstorm of emotions flush through me this past week. I’ve been disappointed, broken, scared, anxious, and the likes. I’ve not exactly been myself. It’s been a fiasco. I can’t explain it enough. 

I’m not going to go into this in a lot of detail… but to give you the gist, last week was a punch to my self-confidence. It was knocked out cold. My teachers, the mocks and university decisions put so much pressure on me, that it was such a burden to carry around. 

I couldn’t understand it. I’m usually a very confident person, externally and internally. Externally because I’ve an outspoken personality but internally because I’m usually very satisfied and controlled over my life. I’m happy because I’ve nothing to be unhappy about and I’m fearless because I couldn’t give a rats ass about what people think about me. 

But I guess last week was different. I was scared. You know the nerves people have before they do something important and the adrenaline rushes through them… and everything turns out to be okay. No, last week wasn’t nerves. It was fear. Ruthless fear. It all started because not only was I doubting my own abilities but one of my teachers openly admitted that I wasn’t good enough to be an engineer… 

And perhaps she is right. I could be awful. I could be terrible. I probably am terrible. But I’m terrible now and fully capable of developing myself and pushing myself to my full potential. I didn’t think of it like that last week… with the mocks being gone as awful as they had, I simply lost faith in myself. 

I got a B in maths. I mean, seriously? A B? In maths? That’s not possible. (Not being cheeky but I genuinely think I’m way better than a B for maths… because I know I can do it. So what happened?) 

I guess I simply let other people dictate my life and my decisions. Even though I was doing the mocks, I was constantly thinking of what my teacher was going to say if I did badly and subconsciously worried that the universities would not accept me and that I’d be a failure in life, consequently accomplishing nothing. 

I felt worthless. 

But not today. Not today because I’m not worthless. 

After being told that people have been “bitching” about me behind my back, I realised something that I had forgotten: It makes no difference to me whatever you think! I let them get to me and I am glad I was challenged to this much pressure for the mocks because I am going to try to improve myself for the real exams because I’m aware of where I want to get to in life. I want to make a difference. 

Not for anyone else. Just me. 

It’s my life. 

And I’m going to play it by my rules. 

Hypocrisy of the media

Don’t believe all that you see. Point one. The point of the matter. Many people that know me are aware of the fact that I really dislike the media. I rarely watch the news, read magazines or even watch television at all. I made this decision boldly because I don’t let others dictate my life. The media is so influential. (Power does that to you. You got power, you got control. Scary, huh?) The terrifying fact is that they do control us. I don’t think that some super evil media God is conspiring against us or anything… I am simply criticising our open acceptance to being manipulated by everything around us.

Being manipulated? Surely, that’s just unnecessarily negative. Well, it’s true. Manipulation has negative connotations but if you think about it, we base every action, thought or doubt on our observations. We have the ability to observe, learn and imitate behaviour or personality. I feel we like to be guided on our actions so that we feel its a safe path to take. We idolize and we aspire. Okay, I know you are probably thinking that this is all besides the point…

…but is it? Media is a form of getting messages across and I feel that a lot of these messages are misleading and negatively influential. Whilst a lot of very interesting and informative sources out there, certain topics like weight, appearance and personality are very easily influential for young children.

One of my basic problems with media is that the opinion of one or two people get shoved down the throats of several people and these people are either brainwashed or manipulated into believing it. I feel people should at least have the right to make their own decisions about matters. Children shouldn’t have to base their opinions on what is currently “hip” and no one should feel they are less attractive because they don’t have symmetrical features or perfect hips or something petty and pathetic like that.

Another thing that annoys me is the gossip. Gossip shows and magazines always highlight stories which they believe are scandalous. Even if it is just one woman cheating on another man, if a famous actress does it, it’s a disaster but if you do it, you fell in love? It is simply hypocritical to play blame games on the lives of people, showcase their stories for entertainment and then insult their choices just because they made a mistake choosing the wrong guy. Like you’ve never made a mistake in your life.

I feel this is important to understand. There isn’t one story in the media. There are several but they are choosing to tell you one, they are choosing to highlight one opinion. The media isn’t a playgrund for truth especially when half the time the characters of our favourite shows are living dream lives with unbelievably stupid realities.

To be perfectly honest, I would have no problem with the media if it was truthful, honest, realistic and, well this is a long shot, but less hypocritical. Is that too much to ask? My blog is media. And I honestly ask of you not to believe my opinions blindly. Question them. Rip them apart. Argue with me. We have to show the big companies that the power still lies in the people and they can rip the entire company apart in one night if they wanted to.

(Sorry I am a bit annoyed. My mother was watching a 30 minutes news flash on how a famous actress could be cheating on her boyfriend with someone else. What a whore (!) )